30 Day Journal Challenge - Day 13

Would you be likely to survive alone in the wilderness?

It depends on how long and what kind of wilderness.

See, I don’t like camping. Nothing about it appeals to me. That said, I am surprisingly well read on very weird shit and have an apocalypse kit I keep in the hobby closet with things to help survive in case of <insert weird thing happening>. I also know how to hunt though it has been decades and same on butchering. I am also pretty crafty in pretty much all the definitions of that word.

So it truly depends on where when and what I have with me. Though this question has now made me think I need to add another item to the list - start a fire without a match or lighter.

30 Day Journal Challenge - Day 10

List 5 reasons that you like yourself.

Ugh. I hate questions like this.

  1. I am smart.

  2. I am creative.

  3. I am passionate.

  4. I am strategic.

  5. I can see things for what they are, not what I want them to be the majority of the time and in turn even when something doesn’t align with my moral framework, I can still empathize with it and willing to help. That said, I will still hold people to account for their shit, just understanding we don’t all start from the same place nor have the same experiences along with of course being human. My Kid and I just call it being an adult but given how many adults have to do acrobatics to justify others behavior in order to claim the people close to them are in the same moral framework as they view the world. There needs to be a word for it. Because it just boils down to the understanding of context and also being able to acknowledge that someone is deserving of compassion, kindness and love even if they don’t fit your moral code. That was wordy.

30 Day Journal Challenge - Day 7

Make a list of things you give yourself a hard time about.

my volume

my laugh

my weight

my health

my skillset

my ability to relate to others

my anxiety

my nose

my scars

my attractiveness or lack thereof

my physical activity

my social life

my lack of travel

my spending habits

my investments

my savings

my budget

my game play

my being behind on watching movies

my being behind on watching shows

my being behind on reading books

my inability to cook a steak well

my relationships with my family

my son’s behavior

my work relationships

my antisocial behavior

my loneliness

my ability to keep a tidy home

my inability to bench press as much weight as I want

my knee pain

my dancing

my singing

my being behind in sewing

okay, I could go on but I am just making myself depressed

30 Day Journal Challenge - Day 4

Do you worry about what others think of you? - if so, why is what others think of you important?

I do. Not because I feel like their opinions are important to my self-worth but because I have always been very bad at noticing when I am pissing people off.

Deep down I am always fearful that no one likes me and they just put up with me. Apparently this is common for people who are neurodivergent.

Learning that someone is upset with me and I unintentionally did it breaks my heart. If I hurt someone accidently I feel miserable.

Being diagnosed so late has left me with so many years masking trying so hard to be normal, a deep fear that no one actually loves me for me, just out of obligation and that all I am good for is work.

So though I am working through all of that, I am still very much concerned about what others think of me.