30 Day Journal Challenge - Day 7

Make a list of things you give yourself a hard time about.

my volume

my laugh

my weight

my health

my skillset

my ability to relate to others

my anxiety

my nose

my scars

my attractiveness or lack thereof

my physical activity

my social life

my lack of travel

my spending habits

my investments

my savings

my budget

my game play

my being behind on watching movies

my being behind on watching shows

my being behind on reading books

my inability to cook a steak well

my relationships with my family

my son’s behavior

my work relationships

my antisocial behavior

my loneliness

my ability to keep a tidy home

my inability to bench press as much weight as I want

my knee pain

my dancing

my singing

my being behind in sewing

okay, I could go on but I am just making myself depressed

30 Day Journal Challenge - Day 4

Do you worry about what others think of you? - if so, why is what others think of you important?

I do. Not because I feel like their opinions are important to my self-worth but because I have always been very bad at noticing when I am pissing people off.

Deep down I am always fearful that no one likes me and they just put up with me. Apparently this is common for people who are neurodivergent.

Learning that someone is upset with me and I unintentionally did it breaks my heart. If I hurt someone accidently I feel miserable.

Being diagnosed so late has left me with so many years masking trying so hard to be normal, a deep fear that no one actually loves me for me, just out of obligation and that all I am good for is work.

So though I am working through all of that, I am still very much concerned about what others think of me.

30 Day Journal Challenge - Day 3

If you had to spend one year living alone in a remote cabin what would you spend your time doing?

OOOHHH, I like this one. I might fantasize about when I am exhausted with life.

One thing I would do is start a garden. I miss gardening.

I would write. Having time to just let my characters live freely in my head without any interruptions would be lovely.

I would definitely do more yoga. It would be lovely to just start the day stretching in the sun with pure silence but nature.

I would definitely hike and probably try and learn the various plant life around cabin.

30 Day Journal Challenge - Day 2

Are you blaming someone for your your unhappiness? - if yes, who and why?

This one is easy, no, I don’t blame anyone for my unhappiness. I firmly believe that it is on me to make my own happiness. Now there are times where it can be difficult because of others’ behavior but it is up to me on how I both react to it and how I handle it.

Granted people can make me astonishingly angry. So there is that.

30 Day Journal Challenge - Day 1

Which of your values will you never compromise - or never compromise again?

This is an interesting question because I don’t normally think in terms of “my values” so to be able to determine which of these I wouldn’t compromise involves putting my values into concrete wording.

I think for me honesty is critical. I try hard to be honest but it is difficult, mainly because I can’t always find the right words to phrase things that are not harsh.

I think it is in part because I try hard to give the benefit of the doubt and consider different points of view, but some very specific actions I can’t let it go. I find it intensely frustrating when people cheat. Cheating when it is more around creatively solving a puzzle in a novel way, I don’t take issue with it. I enjoy that. No, I am talking about cheating where you are literally taking advantage of others. It triggers my intense sense of justice.

Okay, those are two values, I think that’s good.