Have you ever been hurt by someone you loved, but later realized the person hadn’t intentionally done anything to hurt you?

Oh boy, yes. There is this guy…

I wonder how many responses to this question started with that phrase.

He still is wonderful. Smart, sweet, witty and kind. And I know he didn’t intentionally mean to pretty much trigger an existential crisis in who I am.

He was still in love with his ex. I am not her. He wanted me to be her. I tried. I failed. I ended it because the fact that this person who I had known for so long and had been one of the few people in my life I truly felt I could be myself with wanted me to be someone else, it broke me.

He never intended it. He was in pain too. Which makes it even worse because regardless of me I didn’t want him in pain. It was one of the reasons I tried.

What is funny is my flings with him were short. Much shorter than 3 other more real long term relationships. But yet they don’t haunt me in the same way.