Rules of the Game

Those who are defending Roman Polanski either don’t have a fucking clue about the case or make me question their concept of morals and ethics. I doubt very much that if a person who defended Roman Polanski had this happen to someone they loved they would NEVER be saying such things.

The victim has NEVER said it was consensual. Never, not once, nada. So when a 40 something man drugs and then forces a 13 yr old girl to have sex while she says no and begs him to stop, where the evidence isn’t just what she says but also physical proof and witness testimony by Angelica Houston, is not rape, I would like to know what is.

Roman Polansky is damn lucky because he has a bunch of people saying that because he is talented it is okay that he raped a 13 yr old girl. But most importantly, he is damn lucky that I wasn’t that girl’s mother, because I guarantee that his currently 30 something old wife (who is almost the same age as the victim) would never have had the chance to meet him. Because I would have cut off his little Polansky and would have done to him what he did to that little girl. And no, I am not joking. I know what I am capable of, especially if someone hurt my baby boy. I know I would snap if some jackass not only did such a horrendous act to my baby, but then proceed to say he asked for it and that he was lying. Yeah, he would be lucky if that was all I did.

This is an amazing explanation of the biggest points I have against people arguing that this was somehow not rape.

I normally classify myself as goofy and fun loving for the most part. I would also classify myself as a geek. For a good portion of people those combined deem me as immature and frankly I couldn’t care less. I love my iPod, my comic books and my sci-fi and frankly tough potatoes to them.

But there are certain forms of immaturity I have issues with. I take huge issue with the form of immaturity that demands a person be a victim in their own life. Yes there are times when it is correct and the description or perception of someone as the victim in correct. But let me make something very clear, someone who has been a victim does not go around demanding pity. In fact, I can honestly say that if a person approaches me with a scenario where I am suppose to judge someone else as the aggressor, the perpetrator of some devious crime against them, I normally call into question the person telling me the tale.

There are two main reasons why. One, I use to volunteer at a crisis center during college. I have had to talk wives into getting into a car to take them to a women’s shelter to get away from abusive situations. I have talked to rape victims into going to the hospital to at least be tested. I have seen so much horror that we can do to each other and one thing has always ringed clear, the person hates pity. This is something you can go to any children’s ward of any hospital and see.

To a true victim, pity is poison. Pity has certain connotations to it, as if the person is less and therefore should be felt bad for. Why do you think so many people with differences have supposed chips on their shoulders? It’s because of the bitter taste of pity they have to deal with. That somehow because of a wheelchair, scars or family background they need to be pitied and treated with kid gloves. Bullshit. Yes, life might be harder, they might have lived through hell, but they are here now and want nothing more than to be treated as everyone else. I can say this because of not only what I have consistently witnessed through not only my volunteering but also my job, but, because by society’s standards, I am a victim.

I have had 7 surgeries. I have had lets say, an interesting family dynamic. I have been raped. But to me, these are experiences, things I learn from, things that in an odd way reinforce how amazingly strong I really am. These are things that I believe I have experienced so I can speak honestly and intelligently speak about how they not only feel but how they can both hinder and motivate people at the same time. They do not, have not, or will ever, make me a victim. They just are.

What gets my goat is when a person feels the need to make themselves into a victim in order to deal with events. Often, their view of events change, heck their supposed reactions and behaviors change in order to rationalize why they are good and innocent and the other individual is evil. Often, this comes into play with relationships. What has caught me off guard is the fact that I am 32 years old. I thought we all outgrew this. I mean, this is pretty normal for a high school girl, but an adult? Really?

What has upset me is that I do feel pity. Not in the way that I’m sure it was intended. I don’t see any victims in the relationship, because frankly, as an outsider my memories of events haven’t changed. And since I have close to perfect recall (the reason why I don’t have to study), I doubt they will change. Heck, I can still quote the credit card digits of my Aunt’s card that she told my mom in the car when I was 4. I know, I have issues.

I feel pity for this individual’s inability to grow. By demanding victim status they are losing any opportunity to grow. No one is perfect and yet if everything is someone else’s fault, why should you look at yourself? How can you have a real adult healthy relationship without the ability to see things as they really are. Aperson who can’t do that has never become an adult. Just because you have sex doesn’t mean you are mature enough to deal with the consequences of it. And it makes me both angry and sad to see the wasted opportunity this has presented them.

In the end, it doesn’t impact me. but it is still a shame. Because no matter how I might disagree with personal views on life, a wasted life, which I fear this is becoming, is a loss to all humanity.

I will gladly collect and drop off the donations if you want to contribute. Here is the list of supplies needed:

Collection to benefit:
Earle B. Turner Recreation Center
City of Cleveland Recreation

Kleenex
Ziploc Bags (gallon size)
2” and 3” Three-ring Binders
Three-Prong, Two-Pocket Folders
USB Flash Drive
Protractor
70 – Sheet Notebook
Large Shirt for Art
Backpack
Washable Markers
12” Ruler
Socks, underwear, hats, gloves, scarves are needed
Crayons (24) Pack
#2 Pencils w/erasers
#2 Pencils Laddie w/erasers
Blue, Black, Red Ink Pens
Color Pencils
Mini Pencil Sharpener
Glue Sticks
Scissors
Large Eraser
Paper – College-Rule and Wide-Rule
Highlighter
Package of 3×5 Index Cards
Hand Sanitizer or Baby Wipes

The City of Cleveland recreation centers are committed to improving the quality of life in the City of Cleveland by strengthening our neighborhoods, delivering superior services, embracing the diversity of our citizens, and making Cleveland a desirable, safe city in which to live, work, raise a family, shop, study, play and grow old.

I am sorry it has been a while since I have posted. A lot has happened in a very short amount of time. Though a lot of it has been positive, last week a tragedy struck that rocked me to the core. I lost my cousin, Troy Piroch.

Troy, 20, was a sweet kid with a kind disposition. He had just graduated high school with honors and was getting ready to go to LCCC. His goal was to become a physical therapist. This might all sound very common in some aspects, but he was extraordinary. Troy had cerebral palsy and was mute.

He had overcome so much, including learning to walk, something that was certainly not expected given the level of condition.

He was on MySpace and would chat with my sister. He would go see my cousin Sean Piroch perform. Yes, he had limitations, but still, he led a pretty normal life.

A week ago Troy was found outside his home completely on fire. The neighbors put the fire out and he was med-evaced to Metrohealth in Cleveland. There, they performed massive amounts of surgery. Unfortunately, Troy had 2nd and 3rd degree burns on between 85% and 90% of his body. He also had sustained brain damage. When his kidneys started to fail, it was determined that best course of action was to let him go. He died Thursday evening.

Throughout all of procedures at Metrohealth he was kept in a drug induced coma, and in all honesty, that is the only thing that gives me comfort in this whole scenario along with knowing that the doctors at Metro, truly some of the best the world has to offer especially in the area of burn ward. Very little else has comforted me.

When I first heard about this I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I thought that maybe it was a kitchen fire issue and that he was burned, it was nothing to the extent that actually happened. Then the horror set in.

My poor sister went up to Metrohealth, since no one was really able to get any information due to my Aunt being out of touch with the family during the event (which is completely understandable given the situation) and HIPAA regulations preventing Metro to fill us in (also understandable). When she called and told me the true nature of everything going on I was at the Primate exhibit at the Zoo with my son, my mother and my brother for a work related event. I wanted to lay on the ground right there and curl up into a ball and cry. All I kept thinking was, dear God, he couldn’t even scream for help.

Then the shit started to fly. The first stance the Lorain County Sheriff’s Department took was this was a suicide. Yes, he had gasoline on him, but uh, no. Don’t buy it at all. The main reason? Simple, Troy’s impairment left him unable to work a button, much less a childproof lighter. There was no gas in the house so it wasn’t the oven, and there were no matches. So the question of how he would have actually managed to light the fire himself negated those claims. Not to mention the fact he showed no signs of clinical depression including the fact that he had plans for future events, something people contemplating suicide normally don’t do and was a devote Catholic (aka Suicide = Hell). The Sheriff’s Department personnel’s behavior, especially towards family members was plain disgusting. Even if this had been a suicide attempt the fact that anyone would say or behave in such a manner fills me with such disgust that it makes me physically ill. Things said in private I will not repeat, but needless to say, I am glad I was not present or I might have lost control.

Then the Chronicle Telegram posted a pic where all that is showing is the Sheriff’s car and my cousin’s shoes and socks, charred on the edges. I honestly have no idea what would possess them to post such a picture. If this is how you are finding out about someone you know being in critical condition after being burned alive that should be one of the last images that should be shown. It frankly showed such a complete disconnect between reporting actual news and going for a sensationalistic presentation. I was disappointed, but not surprised.

Then the next day it was reported that the Sheriff’s Department had switched from suicide to accident. Granted, NONE of this was determined with the fire report from the Firefighters or the doctor’s/coroner’s reports. Of course, they were unable to interview Troy due to the coma, but frankly the lack of effort was amazing.

Theories about how this happened start to surface. As I heard each one what was surprising was how much Mythbusters started to be referenced. At first it was rumored it was a cigarette that was flung out and accidentally hit the gasoline on Troy. Well, there is an episode of Mythbusters that proves that can’t start a fire. Then it was that he stepped on a lighter. Once again, Mythbusters came into play because they have shown in several episodes what happens when a lighter is broken and also what a lighter looks like when it is part of a fire. There was no broken lighter or even a lighter with char marks. And since his shoes and socks were not destroyed, which if he had stepped on a lighter triggering a spark, would have been the first items to feel the impact, to me, and many others, that rules out this aspect.

There is no answer to the question how. No one is sure as to why he was covered in gasoline though he was supposedly carrying a gas can from the shed that didn’t have a lid on it, but that is a whole other part of the story that is bizarre since it involves him supposedly changing his clothes and no real answer as to why he would have been carrying the gas can in the first place. I honestly have no idea if we will ever get the answer to the how.

What is stunning is the absolute lack of character of people you expect to have character in a situation like this and surprising compassion and caring from the least likely areas. I don’t give a shit what you have done, no one, NO ONE, deserves to die this way. And yet, to many this was a joke. Posts on the newspaper website making jokes, mentions of the Darwin Awards, etc have done nothing but make me ill. For the majority of the family this is an accident that took two people Troy and another, at best, with the majority of suspect on it being malicious.

I have had an intense desire to hit someone as of late. I am filled with a level of rage I have rarely ever experienced. So at the recommendation of my boyfriend, I am writing it down in hopes that I can start to grapple with this. It is hard though because you can rationalize almost anything, at least he went quickly, he had a rich full life, he didn’t suffer, but what is there to latch onto here? There is no comfort. And for a child who deserved so much better…

So as many of you know, last year beat me up pretty bad. And I just recently have gotten back on my feet. I am playing catch up at the moment and there is a lot to catch up on.

Money wise, I am in debt up to my eyeballs. Okay, not quite, but I have a lot of work to do. And this economy has not been helpful by any stretch. Between unemployment and being what is commonly referred to as under employed, coupled with the inability to find a part time job, well, there is a lot of work to do. Between school, bad debt and the house, I am roughly $120,000 in the hole. And the funny thing is that I really have come to hate being a home owner.

Then there is the weight. I started to gain weight when I was going through the divorce last year. I was stressed beyond all belief, working two jobs, my ex was still living in the house, in school full time and trying desperately to hold it together for the kid. And then I lost my job. And shortly there after there was the lump and the cancer scare. Frankly brownies are my drug of choice and boy did I partake.

So I tried so hard to find a way to pay for Comic Con, but I refuse to go deeper into debt. I love my son, and I loved Comic Con last year, but I have to be realistic. All my savings was shot while being unemployed. So, I canceled.

But there is an upside to all of this. I am planning on flying out to LA for Christmas. If I go out for a bit and have Anakin meet me for a couple days, it can be an amazing holiday. I can see my sister. I can see my mysterious Todd who says the oddest things and who I have never met in person. I can take the kid to Disneyland. And, I can cross an item off my life to do list, spend the day at the beach (even living on a lake my life has been so structured I have never been able to take a full day off to do that).

Plus, with my rockin new job, I have a killer amount of vacation, there is an inhouse gym that is better than some of the gyms around here that are actually paid memberships, and the cafeteria serves healthy food including a fresh fruit bar for breakfast. So though it is a downer now, I can’t help but feel that taking myself off the hook now will make my life easier in the long run.

Granted, when I am watching the twitter feed from friends at Comic Con, I might be beside myself.

Oh well, this is far from the last Comic Con ever and Anakin is still going to go to Gen Con and possibly Origins this year, so he can get his con fix this summer.
Blurg.

Honestly, I want to live in a place where this could happen. How much better would life be if this could occur every so often.

“>

“I don’t trust Obama”. “He lied to us”. “Why hasn’t he done x, y, and z yet?”. I am getting so tired of the complaining. First, Obama has gotten a lot done in an incredibly short amount of time. Second, what the hell what everyone expecting?

Politicians make campaign promises all the time. This is because people demand that they say what they are going do specifically for them. Though this makes sense to a point, the underlying premise is faulty.

There are several errors in thinking with the campaign promises. One is that a politician has enough power to actually do the things they promise. A good example is how often Mayors speak of improving education. For the most part, Mayors have no say over education. Even when the school system is in receivership they do not have direct control over that area. They can influence, but to make any fast and lasting change, they would need to have power they simply do not have. But yet, this is a consistently something is demanded from the voting public at large.

Another issue is simply that politicians might not be aware of all the facts before they take office. A good example of this was when Bill Clinton took office. During his campaigning he promised many new programs and expansions of others. Once he took office though, he was able to see the full extent of the financial situation; those promises fell to the wayside. It was his intent, but they simply could not be done. Aside from those in that current position, no one else will truly know all the information needed to do that job. To assume that anyone can predict what they will be able to do before knowing fully what they are working with seems silly. We wouldn’t expect a chef, even a world class chef, to set a menu without knowing what ingredients are available.

I don’t expect politicians to necessarily keep their promises, but I do expect them to follow in the direction best suited for myself and others following the similar intent of those promises. To expect more just doesn’t make sense.

There has been debate as to whether healthcare professionals have the right to refuse certain treatments based on their own moral standards. What is driving this debate is abortion and whether a doctor should be obligated to perform one even when their religious beliefs are against it. The problem with this is that it is starting to spill into other areas including birth control pills and certain vaccines like Gardisal. At first, it makes sense to allow this but it is better to step back and first ask, do we want to be ruled by ethics or morals?

Ethics and Morals, though similar, are quite different. Morals are what people develop based on their personal notion of what is right and wrong. This personal notion is greatly influenced by outside perceived authority figures, such as parents, teachers and religious institutions. Human beings are taught what is right and what is wrong according to their authority figures, normally through lessons, rewards and punishments. As a person gets older, those in authority have less power and so the sense of right and wrong can start to change, especially when the person can see the nuance in the issue. This is why a 5 year old child knows that stealing a loaf of bread is morally wrong and yet a teenager might ask the question why the person stole the loaf of bread in the first place. The reason behind it can then influence whether it is then perceived as morally wrong. If the person stole it to feed starving children, the teen might see the moral obligation to feed the starving children and a higher issue than the act of stealing being a moral wrong.

Ethics is different. Ethics looks at what is a right and good life and how to live it. It seems similar but there are some key differences. One is that there is no set definition that someone can back to decide if something is ethical for general living. Though there might be a general framework in some sense, ethics does adapt as aspects of humanity adapt, such as medical breakthroughs and longer life spans (Garlikov, 2008). Many people base their morals on either a religious document or on are socially accepted. Neither of these comes into play as to what is ethical. An example of this would be that two hundred years ago it was socially acceptable to own other people, beat your children and keep lovers while married. Many people claimed to have the society, the Bible and the law on their “moral” side. Even with this, many people found these actions to be unethical for various reasons. This is why Ethics cannot allow these standard touch points to be its basis. Society, interpretations of religious documents and laws change. Ethics cannot change so easily or else it cannot claim any certain truths it might have.

Let’s look at an example. Most people deal with ethics in the abstract but the medical profession deals with it daily. Let’s say that two patients enter the ER. One patient, patient A has accused patient B of rape. The reason they are admitted is because supposedly patient A went over to patient B’s dwelling and shot them and then took a bunch of pills. The first issue to deal with is treatment. Morally some people might take issue with treating patient B because of the accusation of rape. Others might take moral issue with treating patient A because of the attempt to take both lives. Ethically, it’s a no brainer, the first tenant is to do no harm (Caplan and McGee, 2004). This is an emergency the physicians and medical staff are obligated to treat both per the medical society code of ethics.

Now time has passed and both patients are stabilized and are recovering, probably on separate floors of the hospital for security reasons. Now while working on patient B, the physicians become aware that patient B has an STD. Here is another quandary, do they inform patient A? Morally a lot of people would state yes, patient A needs to be tested and treated and therefore should be told. But ethically, the answer is no. The reason is so that patients can trust doctors and in turn feel the freedom to tell them everything. This is crucial for a doctor to diagnose and treat any patient. Even not knowing if a patient is taking a multivitamin can cause issues. Informing patient A breaks the patient confidentiality ethical code. Now does that mean the doctor does nothing concerning this for patient A? Well no, that breaks the first do no harm ethical stance. The doctor can try to get consent to test by discussing various things including that it would be wise simply because of the rape. But to inform that patient B is positive for an STD is not an option.
I could continue with this thought experiment, and cover many other ethical dilemmas those in the medical profession face every day. And that is not even touching the large ones ranging from abortion to stem cell research. But I hope this thought experiment helped to highlight the main difference between morals and ethics. Like the difference between the 5 year old and the teenager, there is a maturity difference between morality and ethics. Ethics goal is to predict the consequences to the actions on not only the people involved, but also all those who can be impacted by the action in question, in essence the ripple effect. Because of the much larger scope, ethics will come to different determinations from a personal moral approach on occasion. They are not mutually exclusive by any stretch, but will head down different paths on occasion. This is because ethics will stop and ask questions that a moral standpoint might not ask ranging from what if the accusation proves to be false, what if patient A is mentally ill and therefore not aware of their actions or the consequences from them, etc. Though these might not be true, they need to be considered or else not only will patient A and B’s lives be forever changed, but everyone in their lives will be impacted.

References:

Garlikov, R. (2008) The Point of Studying Ethics. Retrieved from

http://www.garlikov.com/philosophy/ethpoint.htm

Caplan, A. and G. McGee. (2004). An Introduction to Bioethics. BioEthics. Retrieved from

http://www.bioethics.net/articles.php?viewCat=3&articleId=1