Goals and Choices

Sometimes it is hard to set limits on myself. It’s a weakness of mine and something I am trying to work with. I don’t always acknowledge that there is only 24 hours in a day. So I overcommit…a lot.

Plus there is the whole saying no thing. Also something that isn’t a strong suit. Okay, so anyone who knows me knows I have a hard time saying no. If I do, feel ridiculously guilty, that I am letting that person down. But that is why I end up with over 13 magazine subscriptions and tired all the time. See, even when I don’t say know I still try to work on my goals. And given that they haven’t invited a way to live without sleep, I am normally behind on my to do list.

So when there was a chance to get certified to teach Masala Bhangra, I was trilled. One weekend and I would be able to teach others a workout and introduce a form of dance I love. The cost, $500. Then I thought more about it. What if I spent the $500 to get certified, how would I feel? And then it hit me. I would feel obligated to actually teach. And that would probably mean that I would need to get my group exercise certification. That’s more time and more money. Plus, the time involved recruiting and teaching classes. And why? I want people to experience the fun I have, but teaching them wasn’t the priority, the experience is. So am I really willing to commit myself to that type of time commitment in something I am not actually passionate in doing because of what is in essence, a vanity desire, to be certified?

When I thought about it, I realized that was just not practical. My time is more valuable focusing on getting my MBA and passing the actuarial tests. I haven’t taken it entirely off the table, just put it in the one day goal category. I signed up for the 1.5 hour Masters Class in March instead so I can rock it with the founder of the style.

There is so much I want to do, to experience, to try. And there are so many responsibilities I have. And sometimes I have to take a step back and put one desire on hold in order to better fill a responsibility. More education equals more money for me, which means better education for the kid. And that kid, he is my highest priority.

Maybe one day, when he is off pursuing his own goals, I can be more spontaneous with my goals. But for now, I need to acknowledge I am not Super Woman, I can’t do it all, all the time. This experience has really caused me to re-evaluate how I handle my time. I think I need to look more closely at not just what I am wasting time on, but what I am committing to and the people I am committing to.

I realized this morning that between twitter and Facebook I have over 500 different people following my feeds. Given I am not a celeb or anything that made me pause. Especially the majorities of people I talk to and network with are work or volunteer related. Yes, some following the feeds are, but very few from these arenas. So realistically I am maintaining 1300 various type of relationships. Even if they are all superficial, which they are not, that is a lot of people. I felt overwhelmed and misdirected.

I think I need to take a step back and look at who are people who positively contribute to my life in comparison to who I am spending time with. I need to re-prioritize my time. I need to start saying no. I realized that I haven’t really spent time with my Grandparents in like weeks. They live blocks from me. It isn’t because boytoy or the kid don’t get along with them. My Grandparents approve of boytoy and the kid adores his abuelo and abuela. So why? Because I am committing to do things for others who in all honesty would just find someone else to do it. That isn’t right.

It is funny how an exercise class can make you realize a deep truth about your life, but it has helped me create a new goal. There are friends I need to reconnect with and spend more time with, who are good for me. There are others in my life I probably need to spend less time with. I need to see my family more. I need to recalibrate my social media so it highlights those I care about instead of the massive constant stream of information from people who I don’t actually connect with. I need to go to Canada, New York, Florida, Kansas City, Indianapolis and South Carolina and visit some people I truly love. I need to get on the chat more and talk to those who have seen me through good times and bad. I need to start saying no.

And in all honesty, I need to eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg.