I normally classify myself as goofy and fun loving for the most part. I would also classify myself as a geek. For a good portion of people those combined deem me as immature and frankly I couldn’t care less. I love my iPod, my comic books and my sci-fi and frankly tough potatoes to them.
But there are certain forms of immaturity I have issues with. I take huge issue with the form of immaturity that demands a person be a victim in their own life. Yes there are times when it is correct and the description or perception of someone as the victim in correct. But let me make something very clear, someone who has been a victim does not go around demanding pity. In fact, I can honestly say that if a person approaches me with a scenario where I am suppose to judge someone else as the aggressor, the perpetrator of some devious crime against them, I normally call into question the person telling me the tale.
There are two main reasons why. One, I use to volunteer at a crisis center during college. I have had to talk wives into getting into a car to take them to a women’s shelter to get away from abusive situations. I have talked to rape victims into going to the hospital to at least be tested. I have seen so much horror that we can do to each other and one thing has always ringed clear, the person hates pity. This is something you can go to any children’s ward of any hospital and see.
To a true victim, pity is poison. Pity has certain connotations to it, as if the person is less and therefore should be felt bad for. Why do you think so many people with differences have supposed chips on their shoulders? It’s because of the bitter taste of pity they have to deal with. That somehow because of a wheelchair, scars or family background they need to be pitied and treated with kid gloves. Bullshit. Yes, life might be harder, they might have lived through hell, but they are here now and want nothing more than to be treated as everyone else. I can say this because of not only what I have consistently witnessed through not only my volunteering but also my job, but, because by society’s standards, I am a victim.
I have had 7 surgeries. I have had lets say, an interesting family dynamic. I have been raped. But to me, these are experiences, things I learn from, things that in an odd way reinforce how amazingly strong I really am. These are things that I believe I have experienced so I can speak honestly and intelligently speak about how they not only feel but how they can both hinder and motivate people at the same time. They do not, have not, or will ever, make me a victim. They just are.
What gets my goat is when a person feels the need to make themselves into a victim in order to deal with events. Often, their view of events change, heck their supposed reactions and behaviors change in order to rationalize why they are good and innocent and the other individual is evil. Often, this comes into play with relationships. What has caught me off guard is the fact that I am 32 years old. I thought we all outgrew this. I mean, this is pretty normal for a high school girl, but an adult? Really?
What has upset me is that I do feel pity. Not in the way that I’m sure it was intended. I don’t see any victims in the relationship, because frankly, as an outsider my memories of events haven’t changed. And since I have close to perfect recall (the reason why I don’t have to study), I doubt they will change. Heck, I can still quote the credit card digits of my Aunt’s card that she told my mom in the car when I was 4. I know, I have issues.
I feel pity for this individual’s inability to grow. By demanding victim status they are losing any opportunity to grow. No one is perfect and yet if everything is someone else’s fault, why should you look at yourself? How can you have a real adult healthy relationship without the ability to see things as they really are. Aperson who can’t do that has never become an adult. Just because you have sex doesn’t mean you are mature enough to deal with the consequences of it. And it makes me both angry and sad to see the wasted opportunity this has presented them.
In the end, it doesn’t impact me. but it is still a shame. Because no matter how I might disagree with personal views on life, a wasted life, which I fear this is becoming, is a loss to all humanity.